The Return Of Ralph

Int. day

{Bronson}

That's all there is to it. He's found the saucer news.

{Balthazar}

I'm in fairy rings and tower beds, myself.

{Bronson}

It just doesn't feel right! Ralph Sepe Jr, professional film critic, and his dashing young escort, Macon, heartthrob of many women nationwide, have absconded with five crates of Ovaltine and a VOD of Trauma Center with Bruce Willis. That could only mean-

{Balthazar}

That he plans on reviewing Trauma Center soon!

{Bronson}

That's possible. But we can't discount other possibilities. he may be planning on eating it, for example, with the ovaltine. He could roast it over a campfire with Macon, and who knows what carcinogens it might release. Why, we'd need to call in the EPA. Then he would be on my case, and they would be on my case, him and his 300 lb. genitals, world famous from the photoshoot in Gentleman's Quarterly. This is serious.

{Balthazar}

I agree, Sir. The epoch of Ralph Sepe is upon us, and we could be doomed for good unless we leave for Tucson.

{Bronson}

Such a threat to humanity, this upcoming Ralph Sep. His jawline is firm, his muscles taut. Such a funny and witty and charming young man, sweat drenching from every pore, teeth shining. He's a rogue. We may need to use alternative tactics on him.